Monday Mom Confessions

Wow, the weeks right now just seem to fly by for me.  I have several other posts in the hopper, but getting the precious few minutes needed to do final edits {or in some cases just finish thoughts} has escaped me.

I unfortunately don't have a ton of confessions this week, but instead have just one big one.  Despite the fact that we begin moving into a big, beautiful new house in less than 4 hours - I am NOT excited - not even in the littlest bit.

Wow - could you feel that?  I think a thousand pounds just lifted off me and yet all at once hit me in my ever-swelling stomach.

The process of purchasing a home is one that is filled with a wide range of emotions.  Most people stress about the decision and money BEFORE they commit.  Now don't get me wrong, I get my ducks in a row before walking down a path of this magnitude, but until the dollars and cents are finalized, I don't get stressed.  It's not until it's time to actually write that check do I start to panic.

For me, money has always been a big issue.  Like most married couples, it's probably one of the things we discuss most often and probably the one thing I obsess about on a regular {read: non-stop} basis.  How much we've saved, how much we've spent, and how we can earn more.  Growing up, I was by no means poor.  Even after my parents divorced, we lived in beautiful homes and while I never had the best or newest gadgets, my mother did an amazing job of providing what we needed with a few extras here and there.  She also taught me the value of hard work and the importance of managing your money.  Only NOW, after I've "grown up" and started to see just what it really takes to run a household can I appreciate the sacrifices she made for me and my sister, but more importantly I can begin to see the strength she had to weather the storm of stress and anxiety she must have faced.

I know that I am blessed, beyond measure, with the worldly gifts God has given me.  And throughout this entire process I have felt God's hand guiding us.  Everything in fact, came together far better and easier than I could EVER have imagined.  And yet now, I find myself questioning if this was the right decision.  It's going to make the budget tight - real tight.  And with baby #2 on the way, I worry if this was the wrong decision and I just thought God was leading me this way.  I lay awake at night worrying about the bills to come.  Not because the money isn't there, but because of the sacrifices I have to make to ensure the money is there.  Many of which are selfish, self-serving sacrifices, like my penchant for eating because I simply don't want to cook.  

There's a reason that Jesus is recorded talking about money more than anything else, second only to the Kingdom of God.  Even more than Heaven and Hell combined.  And that's because as humans, even thousands of years ago, money had the ability to take hold of us and Satan uses that lure as a way to continue to distract us.  I've found myself praying even more than normal over the last few weeks about money in particular.  Because right now, money is the reason why I'm not excited about moving.  It's the black rain cloud that prevents me from enjoying the path God so patiently and lovingly forged for my family.  And to make it worse, much of my stress in self induced.

I worry about not being able to afford grabbing dinner with my girlfriends, instead of seeing this as an opportunity to open my home and heart to my friends in a real way.  I worry that my husband will resent our decision when he can't freely spend money on things he wants {even if I hate those very things, like cigars - YUCK} and will feel like a failure as a husband and provider.  I worry about the day to day "misses" instead of the joy that will come with a new baby and space to actually enjoy each other's company.

And at the end of the day, that my friends is the real the problem - because I worry about everything that the devil wants me to worry about - perception, image, other peoples opinions - instead of remembering that God has my back.  That he laid this path and made it possible for everything to come together.  That for every "sacrifice" I make now, he has an even greater plan for me in the future.  So while I may not be jumping over the moon about our impending move, I am praying hard that with this move our family can continue to share the love of Christ with those around us and that through our sacrifices we may bring joy to others.

I saw this image posted on Facebook yesterday and felt it was all too fitting for my mindset lately.  It's a hard lesson to follow at times, but one I know that is worth it!

Until next time!

Monday Mom Confessions

Maybe a little late.  I have to admit, I thought about it yesterday, but yesterday was one of those days.  I was just in a funk and if I had written anything, it would have reeked with disdain and likely brought a big black over you as well.  Pregnancy hormones do weird things to you and yesterday was a low day.  So without further delay, below are my Mom Confessions from this past week.

Confession #1 - I have eaten a serious amount of my kid's Easter candy.  In my defense, he's 2, almost 3 {OMG that breaks my heart just typing it!}, and is seriously affected by sugar - as in screaming wilder beast who gets grouchy and even mean.  So we avoid giving him too much of anything heavy in sugar for everyone's sanity.  And what better way to get rid of it, than to eat it myself.  Mind you, I have my own Easter basket {yes, my mother still fixes one for me too!} overflowing with goodies, and my scale tells me to QUIT, like now, but so far neither of those facts has stopped me from digging into the kiddo's basket first.

Confession #2 - I often deal with things by simply forgetting or avoiding.  When I feel overwhelmed or stressed, instead of getting into the moment and dealing with it, I will delay, delay, delay, until it all comes crashing down on me.  Because after all - if you ignore something long enough it will eventually go away, right?! {I'm only kidding with that last sentence - this is NOT a good way to deal with things, but certainly helps me keep my Southern Belle coolness in pressure filled situations}.  However, as we did our final walk-through of what will be our new home in less than a week{!!!}, the gravity of all that I still have to do in our old home {namely - packing} hit me.  Where I wasn't worried before, now I'm suddenly panicked and have even more stress about how it all get done. Thank you Lord for my amazing husband, because without him the great moving debacle of 2007 {Summary: a large 2 bedroom apartment full of stuff, and only 3 boxes packed the morning everyone showed up to move us} would be occurring again next week!

Confession #3 - I sometimes have a hard time believing when people say they "feel" the presence of God with them.  Sorry that's kind of a heavy one - but it's been on my mind a lot this last week as I've found myself praying like it's my JOB.  I am a woman of strong faith {most of the time, but hey, we all stumble from time to time} and believe in the power of prayer.  I've even felt the emotional weights be lifted {albeit, usually after a good nights rest or some time} but I don't know that I've even really "felt" God with me.  It's an interesting concept, because I truly believe he is with me, but actually feeling it is something totally different.  IDK - I'm curious if anyone else feels this way or has actually experienced Him with them.

And....that's all I've got this week.  It's a little sad, but my poor, pregnancy fogged brain is working on overtime right now.  I daydream about cuddling my pillow and sleeping for days on end right.  Hopefully this fog will pass soon - because I've got too much stuff to do to just be laying around sleeping!

Thanks for stopping by!

P.S. For all the southerns out there - aren't you LOVING this weather?!  Granted, 80 degrees in April could be a really bad sign for the summer to come - but after what felt like a super long winter - I'm LOVING it.  Even sent the kidlet to school in shorts today!