The Big Reveal

So a little over a week and half ago we found out what this little bebe in my belly in was.  I talked about my preference for a little girl here.  I wanted a girl, point blank, and when the ultrasound technician announced that we were having not the baby girl I desperately want, but instead a sweet baby boy, I felt like a ton of bricks had hit me in the chest.

So how did I feel.  Honestly?  Really, really crappy.  I laid on the ultrasound table, thankful that my baby was healthy, but dreadfully sad that he was indeed a he.  I even cried.  Yep it was a bittersweet moment.

I managed to pulled myself together to get through my doctors visit, but spent the rest of the day in fits of tears, trying to keep it together as much as I could.  And finally that night,  I let myself fall apart and truly cried my eyes out for a solid 30 minutes.  It was difficult.  I honestly felt like I had failed my family, who all really wanted a little girl.  And really, I felt like I was being punished.  I wasn't getting what I wanted.  And everywhere I looked, everyone was having their perfect boy/girl family.  It wasn't fair.

But like all disappointments, there comes a time when that disappointment fades.  The next day the cloud began to lift, and I finally began to believe all the things I had been trying to convince myself all along.  My son will have a brother whom he can wrestle with and be rough with.  They will be able to play with the same (or at least similar) toys and occupy each other.  They will have each other.  And I am already totally stocked to dress a little boy.  Having another little boy might not be so bad after all.

I also starting looking for blogs of other mothers with a pair of boys.  Reading what other mothers had felt and experienced and the joy they have gotten from their boys, really helped put things into perspective.  And while it doesn't completely take the sting away, every day is easier and easier to envision that my son will be here in a few short months.

So at the end of the day, I did see blue, and was blue for a couple of days, but for those mothers who are going through this, I just wanted to say you're not alone.  In fact, I was shocked when a fellow mother told me that she had the very same feelings, except she was wanting two boys!  {Imagine my shock that someone would actually want that!}  The truth of the matter is that we all have underlying expectations, whether we want to admit it or not, and there's nothing wrong with being sad when our dreams don't exactly happen as planned.